Dr Al’s Anti Colorectal Cancer Culinary Regimen


In medical school you learn that fixing disease is simple hydraulics, physics in other words. In psychiatry we discover that if you are high we can bring you down, if low we can bring you up and if you are up and down there is a drug that will smooth things out. Normal physiology is about homeostasis,in other words, equilibrium.

In general medicine a disease process disturbs that balance, and pharmacology is a means to restore normality. Antibiotics kill bacteria and the body defences move in to finish the job. Health is restored. Surgery more elegantly and with varying degrees of finesse, attempts to separate the disease from the patient. Problem solved.

Prevention is a little more complex due to the interaction of many variables. With cancer the best preventative is having the right genes or avoiding the bad “oncogenes”, if possible.

For example: “My father is 91 and he has had a meat-based diet all his life and no bowel cancer, he also smoke and drank his head off and sprayed our apple trees with DDT 40-50 years ago and God knows what else. Good genes is all you need.” Of course we can’t normally choose our parents. But the point is well taken.

The Inuit for example had a nearly exclusive meat  diet but a very low incidence of colon cancer.
Everybody knows the tobacco/cancer connection. Smoking increases your risk by 2500%. But now the folks at WHO are telling us that bacon kills, and so also does Hungarian Salami and maybe ham slices on rye and certainly a BBQ T bone steak with garlic shrimp.

However eating two slices of bacon a day increases your relative risk for colorectal cancer by only 18 percent. Given the frequency of colorectal cancer, that means your risk of getting colon cancer over your life goes from about 5 percent to 6 percent. IMHO, if this is the level of risk you’re running your life on, then you don’t really have much to worry about.

Be as it may, the reaction on the lower 48 is predictable…”On behalf of all Americans, allow me to say this: “Shut up, World Health Organization. Shut your stupid, baconless mouth.”

Despite this lack of erudition, I detect anger here and a clear statement of the writers’ existential position, not much grey area.

Such is true in this attitude as well…”Stay strong, fellow Americans. Those Swiss bastards can have our Slim Jims and portable defibrillators when they pry them from our cold, dead hands.”

On a more philosophical note one could argue that the meaning of life is simply the process of living. And furthermore that rational hedonism-moral based  pleasure seeking is a major component of the process. So in light of the marginal  risk of cancer should we really switch to this?….


or (shudder) this?…


After all Epicurean philosophy isn’t about maximizing pleasure as much as avoiding this kind of pain. So let’s try to minimize the risk without a life of tofu cheese burgers and vegan pizza. Indeed it is likely that vegetarianism is unnatural.

In a previous submission  I discussed antidepressant foods and touched a bit on cardiac disease prevention therein. I now submit Dr. Al’s anti bowel cancer program:

The key to prevention in part is to increase colon transit speed. Doing so prevents potential carcinogens from extended contact with the mucosa. The ensuing irritative factor increases replacement cell division and the  chance for an error that leads to dysplasia- pre cancer.

The key to transit speed is simply fiber and fluids. The problem with the former is that it means vegetation in some form. The top contenders are such “palatable” items as artichokes or split peas.

Rabbits have a large appendix to digest this edible basura but we don’t. Things improve a bit with oat bran muffins and much so with raspberries particularly as a creme sauce with pork tenderloin.

So breakfast begins with 3 bacon slices, eggs any style, and an oat bran muffin. The later can be substituted with a glass of orange Metamucil.

Lunch of course will be a ham and swiss on rye. Throw in a thin layer of alfalfa sprouts.

For dinner we must be mindful of the fiber potential of whole wheat pasta in the edible form of grilled chicken and/or shrimp Florentine. The presence of anticarcinogenic spinach and some mushrooms is a plus.
For dessert perhaps high fiber vanilla port poached figs with honey cream.

Now a mandatory ingredient to all this is several glasses of Cabernet Sauvignon. Not only is there cholesterol busting reservatrol but antioxidants that consume free radicals (not to be confused with socialism). Free rads are highly reactive naturally occurring atoms missing an electron that chew up cells and facilitate dysplastic change.

Grape juice by itself has plentiful amounts of antioxidants but the alcohol facilitates social interaction and decreases platelet adhesion thus reducing clot formation- alcoholics don’t die from heart disease.

Later in the evening a brisk walk further aids bowel motility.

There are also sociopolitical ramifications to the above dietary recommendations. Left wingers need to learn that we are losing the cultural and political battle with conservatives because we are fractured into narcissistic special interest groups like bacon hating vegans. Maybe they think that carrots are more important than  pork loin. Perhaps they are equal, especially in a sauce.

I prefer Bart Simpson: “I would be a vegetarian if bacon grew on trees.”

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